You Just Needed A Listening Ear

Hey everyone!  My name's Carrie and I have been working at the Diary Dairy for a little over three years now.  This is my first entry on the Diary Dairy blog.  I asked Melissa if it would be okay to let my blog debut be about the original purpose of the Diary Dairy.  She thought it sounded like a great idea, so here it goes.

The other day, I was listening to a customer talk about something she's been thinking about for a long time, but never heard herself actually say it.  I asked her, "When was the last time you were able to be this open and unfiltered about what you want and how you feel?"  She replied, "I’ve been saying this stuff all semester."  I double checked to make sure she was being completely honest and asked if she was sure.  She added, "Well, no.  Maybe I’ve been thinking it, but this is the first time I’ve heard myself say it."  I asked her how it made her feel to hear herself say everything.  Here's what she had to say:  "Honestly, it felt truthful.  It felt honest.  It felt relieving.  Therapeutic?  I don’t know."  I responded by saying, "Sure.  You just needed a listening ear, and someone who wasn’t going to judge you or drown you in a pool of opinions."  One of the things she said after that was, "You did your job.  You let me say everything without interrupting me.  You don’t find listening ears like that just anywhere and everywhere.  Thanks, Carrie."

Our customers love the ice cream treats, burgers, Melissa's famous onion rings, and building things in the sand in the Beach Room.  However, I believe the thing the customers love the most about the Diary Dairy is that they know they'll find a listening ear, whether it comes in the form of an employee or their diary or journal.  Everyone here is so good at listening to the customers without necessarily offering advice.  

Melissa and the managers remind us constantly that we're not here to be a fountain of advice.  We're not counselors or therapists.  We're certainly not here to judge them or overwhelm them with our opinions on the matter.  All of us are here to offer a listening ear because sometimes people just need to verbalize their feelings and desires without worrying about what others think about it.

You don't have to work at the Diary Dairy, or as a counselor in order to be a listening ear for someone.  If a friend, family member, or someone you barely know wants to talk about something they're going through, don't be afraid to be there for them.  You don't have to feel obligated to give advice or save them.  If anything, a listening ear can be the best medicine because sometimes people just need to hear their thoughts out loud, and that can be a powerful experience.  It can even be a rehearsal for when someone needs to say those things to the person to who needs to hear it the most.  The kids love using us as a rehearsal for the things they have to tell their parents.  College students rehearse with us before they meet with their professors.  Parents will rehearse with Marilyn, Rhett, or Judy Bell what they have to tell their kids.  

If you're the one who needs to do the talking, don't be afraid to tell someone you just need a listening ear.  Whether you use one of the Diary Dairy employees, one of your friends, or one of your diaries, ask them (okay, so you don't need to ask your diary) to just simply listen.

And thank YOU for listening to me.

Carrie

In Our Thoughts And Prayers

It probably feels like the rain and the thunder and lightning and flooding will never stop.  This is probably not the Summer everyone was hoping for.  When we think of Summer, we think of picnics and ball games and fireworks and pig roasts and barbecue and festivals and county fairs and kickball games with the neighborhood kids.

Unfortunately, all of those things can't happen outside as long as it is storming and pouring.

I know that many of you are experiencing flooding and power outages.  Those of you with kids are hoping and praying that the storms would end so the video games and computer games could be turned off for a couple hours while the kids go outside and exercise more than just their fingers, minds and eyes.

We would like all of you to know that the Diary Dairy staffs both here and Clearfield give you all of our prayers.  Each and every one of you are in our thoughts.  The Diary Dairy is still open.  If you need a listening ear or a quiet spot (with air conditioning) where you can jot down your thoughts in your diary and/or journal, please know that you are welcome.

~Melissa

Just Call Me

Not too long ago, I was at my apartment one evening on my night off from work.  Adam and I had just come in from having dinner at one of our favorite restaurants.  I watched a little television before crashing in my bedroom.  When it came time to go to bed, I looked around the chair and on the coffee table in front of me for my cell phone where I usually set it.  It wasn't there.  I checked in the kitchen to see if I happened to place it on the kitchen table.  Not there either.  I even went to my bedroom and checked my pants pockets, even though I knew it wasn't in my room or in my pants pockets.

Usually, when I can't find my cell phone, I use someone else's phone to call mine, hoping that it is on vibrate or the ringtone is loud enough for someone to hear it.  I asked Adam if I could use his cell phone to call mine.  You know the saying, "If it were a snake, it would bite you."  Well, my phone didn't bite me, but it sure as heck startled me.  When Adam and I called my cell phone, I instantly felt something vibrating against my stomach.  Where was my cell phone?  In the front pocket of my hoodie sweatshirt.  It was with me all along.

Sometimes we have customers come to the Diary Dairy and tell us that they're looking for something - a true friend who really loves them, real love from their parents, an answer to a question, or they even say they're looking for God or an answer from God.  They look in all kinds of places for those things.  At times, they even look in places where they know they're not going to find what it is they're looking for, but they do so anyway.

After talking through their problems and hearing what they're searching for, a lot of times they think things through, all to find that they do have true friends, or that their parents really do love them (even if it's not in the way that they may want them to).

Whenever someone says they're searching for God or longing to feel God's presence, it's not usually until they stop looking, start praying (like calling the cell phone), and call upon God, all to find out that He never left them.  God was with them the whole time, just waiting for them to call upon Him.

If you are feeling unloved or like God is nowhere to be found and you've been searching for a long time, I would encourage you to put your searches on pause and search deep into your heart and ask yourself if you really do lack those things, or if you just happen to have friends all around you.  I know it may not seem like it sometimes.

There may be days when it feel like the whole world is against you. I think it's safe to say that we all have those days, including me.  What I've come to realize is that we are NEVER alone.  I have such a strong support system in Melissa, Adam, Jay, and the rest of the Diary Dairy crew.  We may get into conflicts sometimes, but in time, our hearts heal and we come out of the conflicts still friends.  Just because a conflict arises, doesn't mean a friendship has to end.  It's still there, even if you don't see it, just like my phone.

Most important, you are NEVER EVER fully alone as long as you have God in your heart.  God will never leave you or abandon you.  He loves you too much to do such a thing.  Whenever you find yourself looking for His love or searching to hear something from Him, I encourage you to stop looking, start praying, and call upon Him, and I guarantee you that God will show you that He never left you.  He was with you the whole time, just waiting for you to call upon Him.

-Shane Larson

Secrets

I once read a quote by George Bernard Shaw about secrets.  Shaw states, "There are no better secrets kept than the secrets that everybody guesses."  After a little over 5 years of working at the Diary Dairy, I can verify that Shaw's statement is true. 

In my 30+ years of living, I have harbored my share of secrets.  I know what it's like to want to keep something sacred to yourself.  While I encourage kids to keep in communication with their parents about their everyday lives, I also remind them that it is okay to keep some things  to themselves that are downright personal, just so long as the secret doesn't have to do with hurting themselves or another person.

Some of my best kept secrets are kept in my diaries.  As you know, a diary doesn't necessarily have to be a book in which you write your thoughts, hopes, and dreams.  A diary can also be in the form of a person.  Most of you know that Shane, the General Manager of the State College Diary Dairy, and I are dating.  I share a lot of my thoughts, hopes, dreams, frustrations, joys, concerns, and ramblings with him.  The best part is that I know whatever I tell him STAYS WITH HIM.  I know that when I talk to him, it is kept confidential, just like my diary book at home.

Have you ever had a secret that was extra special to you, or even more private than usual, and your friends and family probed you and tried to get you to talk about it?  Did it drive you crazy?  Did it make you mad?  I've had that happen.  I've kept some of my true emotions to myself because I wasn't ready to share them with the world yet, but the people around me kept trying to guess how I was REALLY feeling about a certain situation.  It drove me up the wall.  I was irritated.  Annoyed.  Perhaps you've felt that way.

Fortunately, unlike people, my diary never FORCES me to share my secrets with it.  If anything, and I know this sounds kind of silly, but my diary patiently awaits for me to come write something inside of it when I am ready.  If my diary grew a pair of hands and a mouth and started motioning and calling out to me, "Pssst.  Melissa.  Come here.  Tell me your secrets right now.  C'mon.  I'm just dying to know what's going on in that head of yours," I would have my diary analyzed by a professional scientist.  

Not only does your diary wait patiently, it also keeps your secrets confidential.  Unless someone invades your privacy and cracks it open and reads it, your diary won't go around your school or workplace telling anyone and everyone your deepest, darkest, most private secrets.  

I love writing in my diary.  Not only is it a therapeutic way for me to emotionally wind down at the end of the day, it is also a place where I can hide away my secrets that are best kept to myself.  Anytime I ask for a little privacy, I know where I can go, and I hope you have that special place, too.

~Melissa

It's Done. It's Over With. Let it Go. Move On

Not too long ago, I heard a quote at the end of one of my favorite television shows.  I would like to share it with you because I could totally relate to its message.

"Children begin by loving their parents.  As they grow older they judge them.  Sometimes they forgive them."  -Oscar Wilde  (The guy on the left)

For those of you who don't know it, my parents divorced when I was younger.  Before the divorce, I was pretty mean to my mom.  I didn't treat her nicely at all because I saw a friend of mine do the same to his mom.  My dad was never around because he worked all the time, so I got away with it.  My mom was a nice lady.  It’s just that I was a stupid kid.  One day, I heard my mom telling my dad that she was leaving.  She didn’t want to be in a family anymore where the husband was never around and her kid was mean to her.  I mean, I was always hitting her and stealing money from her and one time I even threatened to cut her with a kitchen knife.  Dad blamed me for the divorce.  Because my mom said she was leaving to get away from me, Dad blamed me, and I carried that burden on my shoulders for an extremely long time.  My dad was arrested for something not long after the divorce, and he died in a fight at the prison, but that’s all I’ll say about that.   I haven't heard from my mom since she left.

Obviously, I've changed a lot since I've grown up.  I'm not violent like that, and I would never intentionally hurt someone the way I hurt my mom.  That's not who I am anymore.  

Before I learned how to be mean to my mom, I was actually a good kid and loved both of my parents.  The older I got, the more I looked at them both with judgmental eyes.  I was angry at my dad for not being around to do positive things with me.  I was angry at my mom for never wanting to communicate with me anymore.  This all led to my getting into drugs and hanging out with people I shouldn't have, just so I could belong to someone.  

Now that I'm an adult and have had a change of heart, I've come to the truth that I need to forgive my parents for how they hurt me in the past.  Why, though?  Why forgive them?  They never asked for it.  My dad's not even alive.  It won't change my mom.  It certainly won't change my dad.  

I talked about this with Judy Bell the other night since I've been living at her place now that I'm working at the Diary Dairy in Clearfield.  She told me something I never thought about before.  "Maybe it'll change you if you forgive your parents."

Not only that, but I've never forgiven myself for how I treated my mom.  The night I talked with Judy, I prayed and asked God to forgive me for how mean and violent I was to my mom.  I also chose to forgive myself.  Not only that, but I also declared to God and Judy Bell that I was ready to forgive my parents.  Two days later, I can honestly tell you that my grudge against them isn't completely gone, but I do feel lighter, both emotionally and physically.  No longer do I have to carry the burden of the grudge I held towards my parents.  

If you're holding a grudge against someone, I encourage you to think about how you would benefit from forgiving them.  A lighter load?  A feeling in your heart that says, "You did the right thing.  Well done."  

Last year, Krista shared with me something her Uncle Mark told her about things that happened in the past.  "You can’t change it.  It’s done.  It’s over with.  Let it go.  Move on."  

You have a choice.  You can dwell on the past and/or carry that grudge with you that just gets heavier over time and will haunt you relentlessly.  OR you can tell yourself to let it go and move on.  Which route will you choose?

- Jay
 

"Well, in MY opinion..."

Anytime we have a presidential election coming up, people's opinions surround us like pigeons surrounding a garbage can at an amusement park.  Sometimes they can be entertaining, and sometimes they can get on our last nerves!  As a youth pastor, I know full well that you don't need a presidential election to bring in the opinions.  At youth group earlier this week, I asked the kids what kinds of topics bring up people's opinions.  Here's a short list (sampling) of what they came up with.

1.  Politics
2.  Religion
3.  Music/Movies/TV (what is good and what is bad and what Christians can and can't listen to and watch)
4.  Abortion
5.  Homosexuality
6.  Internet - the pros and cons of the world wide web
7.  Alcohol - whether Christians should or shouldn't drink
8.  Separation of Church and State
9.  What people think of other people
10.  How people should dress, i.e. to go to church, or just in general.  What is modest?

Have you been caught up in discussions that have led to debates in any of these topics?  I know I have, and while I'm not as opinionated as others, I do have my own personal thoughts and opinions on the issues.  I do my best not to shove my opinions on people because I don't like it when people do that to me.

Most of you know I am into everything invovling medieval times and knights.  When it comes to knights with swords and shields, going to battle (for the right reason) can be a good thing.  However, when it comes to debates and our opinions, going to battle might not be the best option. 

I recently shared some words of encouragement with a customer at the Diary Dairy, and I would like to share them with you.  Opinions are okay to have, as long as you don't try to force them onto other people as though your opinion is right and theirs is wrong. That's when opinions are least appreciated.  I tell the kids in the youth group they can share their opinions, and if someone disagrees with them, then agree to disagree and leave it at that. 

I encourage you to think about this whenever you are caught up in a rousing discussion/debate about the presidential election, or anything that was listed above.

~ Emily

Innocent Until Proven... and Penn State

It has been a long past couple of months at the Diary Dairy here in Clearfield.  The new shop has been a great addition to the community.  I have been honored to be the General Manager.  As Melissa's mother, I cannot tell you how proud I am of my daughter for all she has done through the Diary Dairy and the ministry it brings.

Over the last several months, both the State College and Clearfield staff have listened to the customers talk about their perspectives on everything that's been happening at Penn State.  I'm pretty sure Melissa and her crew have fielded more questions since they're in the heart of the matter, being in State College.  However, we, here at the Clearfield shop have had our own share of people telling us what they think.

Currently, we have had customers discussing the issue with the Joe Paterno statue.  It is a very touchy subject, and I want to say up front that I, in no way, intend to offend anyone with this entry.  In fact, I will try to keep my personal opinions about the matter out.  My goal here is to offer the universal perspective of the Clearfield and State College staff, by using an example of something we've learned late last year.

Last fall, the Diary Dairy staff learned an important lesson.  Whenever someone is accused of doing something wrong, they are innocent until proven...  In other words, they could be proven innocent or guilty.  I sat down and talked this through with one of the employees, Gavin.  I would like to share with you what we talked about.  Before I do, let me set up the situation for you.

Our register was acting up shortly after the new shop opened.  Sometimes the computer would freeze and we wouldn't be able to use the register.  One time when I was working on the deposit, I came up short.  There was money missing from the register drawer.  Gavin accused Ginny (another employee) of stealing the money because he knew she was saving up for a vacation, and had seen her fumbling with the register on more than one occasion.  One morning, we asked our computer maintenance man to come and see if he could take a look at the computer and register.  While he was working, he found a wad of cash that was hidden behind the register drawer where it was impossible for us to see without moving everything.  It was the exact amount I was missing the day I did the deposit.  It turned out that Ginny was innocent the whole time.  I'll be honest with you like I was with Gavin.  There was a time when I questioned whether or not Ginny had taken the money, even though I had no proof.

I think Gavin and I both learned an important lesson, and I would like to share that lesson with you now:

“Gavin, I was doing the deposit not long ago and wound up thirteen dollars short.  I had a feeling Ginny could’ve possibly been behind it, but didn’t want to accuse her without knowing all the facts.  Can you imagine what would’ve happened if I had told Melissa I was sure Ginny was responsible?  What do you think would’ve happened?”

            “Melissa could’ve just believed you and fired Ginny.”

            “Right.  Let’s pretend that Melissa did just that.  Well, earlier today, we found the thirteen dollars hiding behind the cash register drawer.”

            “Are you serious?”

            “Yes, I’m serious.  How do you think it would have made Melissa feel, knowing now that Ginny was innocent all along?”

            “She probably would’ve felt like an idiot.”

            Judy nodded.  “It also would have shown that Melissa didn’t trust Ginny.  That could have backfired on Melissa and permanently destroyed a friendship.”

            “Yeah, I get it.”

            “Oh, it doesn’t end there.”

            “It doesn’t?”

            “If you were in Ginny’s shoes, wouldn’t you want to seek revenge on Melissa and hire a lawyer to take your case?  Melissa could’ve ended up in an even deeper mess that would’ve had the potential to put an end to her business.”

            Gavin didn’t speak.  He was too busy soaking in all the scenarios that Judy was presenting to him.  He got it.  He really got it.

            “Now, even if Ginny was responsible for stealing money and messing up the computer, shouldn’t we show forgiveness rather than judgment?”

            “Yeah, I guess so.”

            “Honey, I hope you know so.  I believe we should choose love and mercy over hatred and bitterness more often than not.”

            “Yeah, you’re right.  I think, next time, I should get all the facts before I go accusing someone of doing something wrong.  It sounds simple, but it’s a good rule to live by.  That way, there’s no firing of employees and no courtrooms involved.”

            “You got it, Gavin.  You got it.”

As readers and viewers of the news, I don't think any of us are going to know the FULL story or the ENTIRE truth.  Until we know the WHOLE truth, I don't think it's necessary for us to point fingers at ANYONE.  Whether or not Joe Paterno made a mistake, I think it's important for us to show forgiveness rather than judgment.  Unless we were in Joe Paterno's shoes, do we really have a right to say whether or not he made any mistakes?  What do you think?  Something to ponder.

Written By:

Mrs. Bell  aka Melissa's mother

General Manager of the Clearfield Diary Dairy