In Our Thoughts And Prayers

It probably feels like the rain and the thunder and lightning and flooding will never stop.  This is probably not the Summer everyone was hoping for.  When we think of Summer, we think of picnics and ball games and fireworks and pig roasts and barbecue and festivals and county fairs and kickball games with the neighborhood kids.

Unfortunately, all of those things can't happen outside as long as it is storming and pouring.

I know that many of you are experiencing flooding and power outages.  Those of you with kids are hoping and praying that the storms would end so the video games and computer games could be turned off for a couple hours while the kids go outside and exercise more than just their fingers, minds and eyes.

We would like all of you to know that the Diary Dairy staffs both here and Clearfield give you all of our prayers.  Each and every one of you are in our thoughts.  The Diary Dairy is still open.  If you need a listening ear or a quiet spot (with air conditioning) where you can jot down your thoughts in your diary and/or journal, please know that you are welcome.

~Melissa

Just Call Me

Not too long ago, I was at my apartment one evening on my night off from work.  Adam and I had just come in from having dinner at one of our favorite restaurants.  I watched a little television before crashing in my bedroom.  When it came time to go to bed, I looked around the chair and on the coffee table in front of me for my cell phone where I usually set it.  It wasn't there.  I checked in the kitchen to see if I happened to place it on the kitchen table.  Not there either.  I even went to my bedroom and checked my pants pockets, even though I knew it wasn't in my room or in my pants pockets.

Usually, when I can't find my cell phone, I use someone else's phone to call mine, hoping that it is on vibrate or the ringtone is loud enough for someone to hear it.  I asked Adam if I could use his cell phone to call mine.  You know the saying, "If it were a snake, it would bite you."  Well, my phone didn't bite me, but it sure as heck startled me.  When Adam and I called my cell phone, I instantly felt something vibrating against my stomach.  Where was my cell phone?  In the front pocket of my hoodie sweatshirt.  It was with me all along.

Sometimes we have customers come to the Diary Dairy and tell us that they're looking for something - a true friend who really loves them, real love from their parents, an answer to a question, or they even say they're looking for God or an answer from God.  They look in all kinds of places for those things.  At times, they even look in places where they know they're not going to find what it is they're looking for, but they do so anyway.

After talking through their problems and hearing what they're searching for, a lot of times they think things through, all to find that they do have true friends, or that their parents really do love them (even if it's not in the way that they may want them to).

Whenever someone says they're searching for God or longing to feel God's presence, it's not usually until they stop looking, start praying (like calling the cell phone), and call upon God, all to find out that He never left them.  God was with them the whole time, just waiting for them to call upon Him.

If you are feeling unloved or like God is nowhere to be found and you've been searching for a long time, I would encourage you to put your searches on pause and search deep into your heart and ask yourself if you really do lack those things, or if you just happen to have friends all around you.  I know it may not seem like it sometimes.

There may be days when it feel like the whole world is against you. I think it's safe to say that we all have those days, including me.  What I've come to realize is that we are NEVER alone.  I have such a strong support system in Melissa, Adam, Jay, and the rest of the Diary Dairy crew.  We may get into conflicts sometimes, but in time, our hearts heal and we come out of the conflicts still friends.  Just because a conflict arises, doesn't mean a friendship has to end.  It's still there, even if you don't see it, just like my phone.

Most important, you are NEVER EVER fully alone as long as you have God in your heart.  God will never leave you or abandon you.  He loves you too much to do such a thing.  Whenever you find yourself looking for His love or searching to hear something from Him, I encourage you to stop looking, start praying, and call upon Him, and I guarantee you that God will show you that He never left you.  He was with you the whole time, just waiting for you to call upon Him.

-Shane Larson

Secrets

I once read a quote by George Bernard Shaw about secrets.  Shaw states, "There are no better secrets kept than the secrets that everybody guesses."  After a little over 5 years of working at the Diary Dairy, I can verify that Shaw's statement is true. 

In my 30+ years of living, I have harbored my share of secrets.  I know what it's like to want to keep something sacred to yourself.  While I encourage kids to keep in communication with their parents about their everyday lives, I also remind them that it is okay to keep some things  to themselves that are downright personal, just so long as the secret doesn't have to do with hurting themselves or another person.

Some of my best kept secrets are kept in my diaries.  As you know, a diary doesn't necessarily have to be a book in which you write your thoughts, hopes, and dreams.  A diary can also be in the form of a person.  Most of you know that Shane, the General Manager of the State College Diary Dairy, and I are dating.  I share a lot of my thoughts, hopes, dreams, frustrations, joys, concerns, and ramblings with him.  The best part is that I know whatever I tell him STAYS WITH HIM.  I know that when I talk to him, it is kept confidential, just like my diary book at home.

Have you ever had a secret that was extra special to you, or even more private than usual, and your friends and family probed you and tried to get you to talk about it?  Did it drive you crazy?  Did it make you mad?  I've had that happen.  I've kept some of my true emotions to myself because I wasn't ready to share them with the world yet, but the people around me kept trying to guess how I was REALLY feeling about a certain situation.  It drove me up the wall.  I was irritated.  Annoyed.  Perhaps you've felt that way.

Fortunately, unlike people, my diary never FORCES me to share my secrets with it.  If anything, and I know this sounds kind of silly, but my diary patiently awaits for me to come write something inside of it when I am ready.  If my diary grew a pair of hands and a mouth and started motioning and calling out to me, "Pssst.  Melissa.  Come here.  Tell me your secrets right now.  C'mon.  I'm just dying to know what's going on in that head of yours," I would have my diary analyzed by a professional scientist.  

Not only does your diary wait patiently, it also keeps your secrets confidential.  Unless someone invades your privacy and cracks it open and reads it, your diary won't go around your school or workplace telling anyone and everyone your deepest, darkest, most private secrets.  

I love writing in my diary.  Not only is it a therapeutic way for me to emotionally wind down at the end of the day, it is also a place where I can hide away my secrets that are best kept to myself.  Anytime I ask for a little privacy, I know where I can go, and I hope you have that special place, too.

~Melissa

It's Done. It's Over With. Let it Go. Move On

Not too long ago, I heard a quote at the end of one of my favorite television shows.  I would like to share it with you because I could totally relate to its message.

"Children begin by loving their parents.  As they grow older they judge them.  Sometimes they forgive them."  -Oscar Wilde  (The guy on the left)

For those of you who don't know it, my parents divorced when I was younger.  Before the divorce, I was pretty mean to my mom.  I didn't treat her nicely at all because I saw a friend of mine do the same to his mom.  My dad was never around because he worked all the time, so I got away with it.  My mom was a nice lady.  It’s just that I was a stupid kid.  One day, I heard my mom telling my dad that she was leaving.  She didn’t want to be in a family anymore where the husband was never around and her kid was mean to her.  I mean, I was always hitting her and stealing money from her and one time I even threatened to cut her with a kitchen knife.  Dad blamed me for the divorce.  Because my mom said she was leaving to get away from me, Dad blamed me, and I carried that burden on my shoulders for an extremely long time.  My dad was arrested for something not long after the divorce, and he died in a fight at the prison, but that’s all I’ll say about that.   I haven't heard from my mom since she left.

Obviously, I've changed a lot since I've grown up.  I'm not violent like that, and I would never intentionally hurt someone the way I hurt my mom.  That's not who I am anymore.  

Before I learned how to be mean to my mom, I was actually a good kid and loved both of my parents.  The older I got, the more I looked at them both with judgmental eyes.  I was angry at my dad for not being around to do positive things with me.  I was angry at my mom for never wanting to communicate with me anymore.  This all led to my getting into drugs and hanging out with people I shouldn't have, just so I could belong to someone.  

Now that I'm an adult and have had a change of heart, I've come to the truth that I need to forgive my parents for how they hurt me in the past.  Why, though?  Why forgive them?  They never asked for it.  My dad's not even alive.  It won't change my mom.  It certainly won't change my dad.  

I talked about this with Judy Bell the other night since I've been living at her place now that I'm working at the Diary Dairy in Clearfield.  She told me something I never thought about before.  "Maybe it'll change you if you forgive your parents."

Not only that, but I've never forgiven myself for how I treated my mom.  The night I talked with Judy, I prayed and asked God to forgive me for how mean and violent I was to my mom.  I also chose to forgive myself.  Not only that, but I also declared to God and Judy Bell that I was ready to forgive my parents.  Two days later, I can honestly tell you that my grudge against them isn't completely gone, but I do feel lighter, both emotionally and physically.  No longer do I have to carry the burden of the grudge I held towards my parents.  

If you're holding a grudge against someone, I encourage you to think about how you would benefit from forgiving them.  A lighter load?  A feeling in your heart that says, "You did the right thing.  Well done."  

Last year, Krista shared with me something her Uncle Mark told her about things that happened in the past.  "You can’t change it.  It’s done.  It’s over with.  Let it go.  Move on."  

You have a choice.  You can dwell on the past and/or carry that grudge with you that just gets heavier over time and will haunt you relentlessly.  OR you can tell yourself to let it go and move on.  Which route will you choose?

- Jay