It's Done. It's Over With. Let it Go. Move On

Not too long ago, I heard a quote at the end of one of my favorite television shows.  I would like to share it with you because I could totally relate to its message.

"Children begin by loving their parents.  As they grow older they judge them.  Sometimes they forgive them."  -Oscar Wilde  (The guy on the left)

For those of you who don't know it, my parents divorced when I was younger.  Before the divorce, I was pretty mean to my mom.  I didn't treat her nicely at all because I saw a friend of mine do the same to his mom.  My dad was never around because he worked all the time, so I got away with it.  My mom was a nice lady.  It’s just that I was a stupid kid.  One day, I heard my mom telling my dad that she was leaving.  She didn’t want to be in a family anymore where the husband was never around and her kid was mean to her.  I mean, I was always hitting her and stealing money from her and one time I even threatened to cut her with a kitchen knife.  Dad blamed me for the divorce.  Because my mom said she was leaving to get away from me, Dad blamed me, and I carried that burden on my shoulders for an extremely long time.  My dad was arrested for something not long after the divorce, and he died in a fight at the prison, but that’s all I’ll say about that.   I haven't heard from my mom since she left.

Obviously, I've changed a lot since I've grown up.  I'm not violent like that, and I would never intentionally hurt someone the way I hurt my mom.  That's not who I am anymore.  

Before I learned how to be mean to my mom, I was actually a good kid and loved both of my parents.  The older I got, the more I looked at them both with judgmental eyes.  I was angry at my dad for not being around to do positive things with me.  I was angry at my mom for never wanting to communicate with me anymore.  This all led to my getting into drugs and hanging out with people I shouldn't have, just so I could belong to someone.  

Now that I'm an adult and have had a change of heart, I've come to the truth that I need to forgive my parents for how they hurt me in the past.  Why, though?  Why forgive them?  They never asked for it.  My dad's not even alive.  It won't change my mom.  It certainly won't change my dad.  

I talked about this with Judy Bell the other night since I've been living at her place now that I'm working at the Diary Dairy in Clearfield.  She told me something I never thought about before.  "Maybe it'll change you if you forgive your parents."

Not only that, but I've never forgiven myself for how I treated my mom.  The night I talked with Judy, I prayed and asked God to forgive me for how mean and violent I was to my mom.  I also chose to forgive myself.  Not only that, but I also declared to God and Judy Bell that I was ready to forgive my parents.  Two days later, I can honestly tell you that my grudge against them isn't completely gone, but I do feel lighter, both emotionally and physically.  No longer do I have to carry the burden of the grudge I held towards my parents.  

If you're holding a grudge against someone, I encourage you to think about how you would benefit from forgiving them.  A lighter load?  A feeling in your heart that says, "You did the right thing.  Well done."  

Last year, Krista shared with me something her Uncle Mark told her about things that happened in the past.  "You can’t change it.  It’s done.  It’s over with.  Let it go.  Move on."  

You have a choice.  You can dwell on the past and/or carry that grudge with you that just gets heavier over time and will haunt you relentlessly.  OR you can tell yourself to let it go and move on.  Which route will you choose?

- Jay